Think Logical

There's two guys and one gay guy in our house right now. It has been a while since men came to our house. I guess I got used to being the only man in the house that is why I feel so left alone. But being left alone isnt new, so what to share?

Tomorrow, or later, will be the wedding of my beloved sister. Everything feels so weird. Wish I could carry on, leave and be alone. But thats just it, I'm tired of being alone.

I'll try to sleep. My body is craving to be alone in the dark, with music and crumpled like a yellow maggot. Even though I hate it, perhaps, I'm already used to.

A friend I knew, has been beside my show for a while. I dont know how it came to be. It's like a mysterious plant, just sprouted out of my backyard and I have no choice to take care of it.

After the tragedy, I've been asking myself questions on my questions I ask myself.
"How make a close friend, accept who you are?" I asked myself. It's just so weird cause from the beginning, I thought friendship was about acceptance. But I dont know. I guess, the world has been really changing with our human race. I'm pretty sure, it hasnt been that rough, has it?

I cried that night. The night I received a text that may have fulfilled the true thing he wanted to say. It broke my heart. I've been holding on to something that may have no Idea there has been a something who made a choice to hang on.

One of part of life that's so hard to get, is best sacrifices loses to negligence. I know expecting in return is not the thing to give intention, but, it's just a different feeling. Working for no salary is such. I dont know what to do while I'm in it. But why did I do it in the first place? Because. Because I thought it was the one for me. I've lost my self control repellent. I've lost my life.

After the stressful night, I've realized a lot. Too much has been done, too much, just too much but why do I keep on going? I'm tired, but I still wonder why I'm alive. It's like trees in the woods. Why do they grow when no one plants them unlike our backyard plants who we are the one take of it? There's a spirit in me I cant explain. It keeps me going even though I'm so dull and full of darkness. It keeps me going even though I dont want to stand up, dont want to move. Who is it? Just call me the usual.
I've been weird every since. That may be the reason no one could read through my eyes. My body may have already given up and my spirit may have already been flushed into deep obscurity, my eyes are still wide open hoping for someone who could turn every sadness into bright long lasting sunshine. My eyes are my only hope. I'll just keep them open while my time isnt today.

It's Christmas once again! There's a lot to thank for the wonderful thoughts. This might be the Christmas that I got the least presents. But then again, who cares about those damn gifts? Wew. As we all know, Christmas is not about those material things,right? But then again, again, theres no harm of wishing or hoping or still entertain the spirit of Santa Claus. Just for the win, the Philippines doesnt really entertain Santa Claus unlike back in the United States. They are more of, serious people who find Christmas full hope and religious positivity. Cool eh? I enjoy both sides as a matter of fact.

Arrival of Sister - Parties - Not home - A little bit of cash. Just the typical Christmas. Just thankful I'm still alive to thank God for every blessing. Nothing less.

Enjoy the rest of December. Christmas Vacation, most probably?

I have this friend that got upset. To be honest, I dont know what's the best word to describe what he feels. Retracing the steps makes want to cry, but still, crying wont help anything.

It has been weeks or almost months since it happened. I really didnt know in terms that, I didnt know till I read his post that night. Just reading the words "wont", "forgive" and "anymore" just shot me. I really didnt know what do. But I couldnt blame him to get upset, just not that upset. I couldnt imagine, after everything, he would just give up. But, like they say, "The damage has been done".

I didnt talk to him after that day. We've already got into this and it was the roughest moments for the both of us and I just screwed it up again. In my side, it was the first time I could agree something against me. I guess, I accepted his win. It was fresh and It came tumbling down again. Who could explain that better? No one. He was right, I was wrong. But then again, damage, already done.

Weeks past, I've started to accept what happened and I guess he did too. I've been busy with myself, and I guess he did too. But honestly, I didnt know. I've lost communication and, maybe it was the thing he wanted. It was some moments I could explore my iPod more when I get the chance to check my notes and see a note he made for me and hope he would still remember what he said. But if he forgot, it's okay, maybe our friendship wasnt really made to last forever.

December came, I've got myself a bit stable and thats when I could feel something missing. Something special, irreplaceable, something very special. I've checked up on him for a few days, and he has been looking great. Perhaps he made a better life without me. Moved on a greater road. I'm happy for him.

I could recall everything weve done together that I havent done to others. Be on the phone for 6 hours just talking even though it was very non sense. Good times. Comes to reality, they are countless. I would also tell myself "After all of these, this is where we ended up.". I guess those moments are over. He's doing great ; moved on, and I should do the same too. It's really over.

Ryan, if you got the chance to read this, I'm really sorry for hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you, I know you know that. You were my bestfriend and I thank God for giving you to me. I know I made a mistake. I dont want to die without saying sorry to you regarding what happened but I just couldnt talk to you. Your hands my hands. I really miss you Ryan. I really, really do. But I'm okay even if youre not interested anymore. I've already accepted the fact that I can get the old days back.
I just wanted you to know that I'm really sorry. I'll never forget the bestfriend I always loved every since.

Enjoy your Christmas Ryan

So, I was already set for my marathon in room with my laptop till my laptop just shut down like instantly with no permission. It does that occasionally and I dont want to waste my time knowing why that happends. Oh well. It's already December 24 since the last 11 minutes. I feel the christmas spirit, but not that strong I used to. I get the fact that by we grow up, we are the ones to make our christmas spirit unlike we were younger. When we were younger, people would give us gifts we didnt ask for that they even dont expect any for return. When we were younger, we would appriciate some lights and christmas presentations, now were older, we are the one to make such.

My mom has been waiting for the time just to call my skates and I really appreciate it (Thanks Mom). Even though I feel like, majority of the year, It was only me and my mom together, I still thank God for every blessing he gave. "Everything will be okay.", I always tell myself. But stop the drama, it's just the usual story.

So tomorrow is Christmas. I could recall when I was younger I would be sad because Christmas was only a 25. By the night of Christmas, I would feel very sad. Even though everyone tells the thing "Everyday is Christmas" or such words, no day, week, month, year can replace December 25. After tomorrow, we'll just have to wait another 365 day revolution. Delightful much.

So make the best out of. Enjoy the breeze cause in a couple of weeks, we'll be getting near the sun again.

I read a post from some site I'm a member of that was talking about the statement of one of the senators regarding about movies and stuff. Saying like, Hollywood movies will only show once a month so that our movies wont be less noticed. And I guess I agree with this. Well yeah, our movies arent that good. I know. I have liked, watched only a few Filipino movies and I'm one of those who doesnt seem to like them. I mean the graphics are one of the things I really get turned off. It's so way far from other Hollywood Movies like Transformers and such but I'm sure they did their best to make it presentable. We may appreciate what our fellow Filipinos made rather what other countries made if this could happen despite it's not, worth watching. And who knows? Maybe by the end of the movie, you would realize it was worth it after all. If I were to make a movie, I'd be upset too if movies that wasnt even made in the country would cover it up. Not to mention, I did my very best knowing that it would be interesting for others. And not only that, I wouldnt want to make another one because I might just waste another million bucks. If that happends to every filipino directors and writers, then our country might lose a lot of self made stories and movies. We wouldnt want that to happen, would we? But still, I think we should be proud with what we have already made. Like what a korean said,
"I dont think its the government that has the problem. Filipinos just lack love of country". Hollywood movies are great but still they werent made by us.
I'm Proud that I'm Filipino and love my country very much even if our movies sucks but come on, not all movies suck. Seriously.

We have 3 days to pass on and boom goes Mayon! Ughh, praying for Mayon to make the damage less harsh. Please do too. Christmas is coming and I effin dont have my skates yet but still, little by little, I know I'll get them, sooner or later. I mean come on, I cant rent for the rest of my life, can I? Exactly! So I guess, my "want for christmas" is still vacant as of now. What to wish, what to wish? Coolest Laptops? Games or whatever? Even though an Apple Laptop would be so cool, I dont think I really want to have one. But I guess, wishing for something isnt bad even though they say contentment is the bridge to happiness.

A Pastor told us, "One who has no dream in life, gets everything he currently confronts.".
I dont know if it was for me, but I think it wasnt, maybe. But maybe it was. I dont know, but I have dream. Just not a stable one for I always make my age as an excuse of that it wont really be that stable. Ugh, whatever beiber.

No one can elaborate the best words for every collision of every individual. Advice are like steps that help you climb up the top and figure out what really happened, or perhaps, what is happening. God is one of the best steps you can ever encounter, and I'm considering this as another step. He's the one that made you climb up this obstacle in the first place for he knows that not only you can successfully get sweet victory and for he knows you will learn from it, but for a lot of reasons that will help you build yourself as son of God. He makes hardship for us to call him and consider it as a mutual bonding moment between us, and our loving father up above.