Think Logical

Okay, let's handle it.

But not me. I believe in it and I know it. My decisions has been heard but never has been understood. No listens to me and I couldnt blame them. I mean who listen to a kid like me while youre busy with real problems? I dont know how to be happy and I've lost myself. I dont know what will happen right now. I'll I know now, that dying will make me happy. I dont want this anymore. My family can live without me cause I've already seen them neglecting even on the simplest things of me but I cant blame them for they do have their own lives. They dont understand me cause they think I dont have anything to say. They dont care to know cause I'm just a stupid kid like other kids who have problems that doesnt even need to be solved for it's just something stupid. I know right? It doesnt suck cause I know what they mean. I really, really couldnt blame them.

Right now, I suck. Even murders deserve to be happy but me? I dont cause I've gave myself too much. I fight for stupid things but who could know better? I know I'm not that someone. Someday this life will end and I'll be happy. I'm just making other people get problems just because of my existence. Wish, I wasnt like this but yes, I want to be happy but I dont remember the last time I was having that feeling.

I'm too confused. Confused with my family, with what I am, with my friends, with what I want, with what I'm supposed to be and a lot more that I could die through confusion right now but the biggest confusion is that, why am I alive? Why am I alive? God? Why? I dont have a freakin use in this earth. I do sins that I've tried to accomplish but goodness, what should I do? I admit, I sin and you may kill me through punishment. It was never enough for you right? It wasnt and for my punishment, I dont deserve to be happy anymore. I know, I GET IT NOW.

The thought of dying at anytime has never got off my head for months. What is happening to me? I dont deserve to live. I know that and someday, I know God will finally pull the trigger and that will be the start of my real spirit. Now? Nothing can make me happy. Not my family, friends, myself, I honestly dont know cause I'm not deserving to be happy cause I do bad things, I'm bad. I GET IT NOW. I SERIOUSLY GET IT NOW.

Just wish I was dead right now. It has been my biggest wish since everything came into place. Plus? No one cares.

Lance Albert